Reference:

Enjoying Anal Sex (http://www.sexhealth.org/infocenter)

Anal sex is not something that is experienced exclusively by gay men; it is a facet of our collective sexual identity which has been explored by previous cultures and continues to be explored today. Men and women of all walks of life enjoy anal sex as an alternative to everyday lovemaking. Its not for everyone, but anal sex may be what you¡¯re looking for if you want to try something completely different.

Why do people enjoy anal sex?

Anal sex is enjoyable because of the rich body of nerve endings in the anus. While people often experience pain when first attempting anal sex, as a person learns to relax, the pain often subsides into pleasure. For men, anal sex also offers stimulation to the prostate, an organ that provides the rush of pleasure during orgasm. Anal sex for many seems like a taboo activity, and much of society still shuns it. But statistics show that roughly 20% of heterosexuals and 50% of the gay community practice anal sex at least occasionally.

How can I make anal sex safer?

Anal sex can be a perfectly safe activity as long as you take the necessary precautions. You should remember that your anus and rectum do not have their own natural lubrication nor the kind of elasticity the mouth and vagina enjoy. That is why anal sex must be practiced with care. There are three things that should always be used whenever anal penetration is taking place; lubrication, condoms and common sense. Liberal amounts of lubrication are necessary because the rectal wall can be quite sticky and is subject to tearing and lesions if not kept lubricated. In addition, the anus and rectum are narrow, so lubrication is needed to press inside smoothly and with minimal pain. Condoms are another necessity. Enemas, douches and other cleaners will not be able to get all the germs and bacteria out of the rectum. Not only is anal sex facilitate the transmission of STDs better than any other form of sex, it can also cause urinary tract infections and other bacterial diseases. Latex protection is essential, and can offer additional slickness. Finally, use your common sense. The rectal wall curves and is thin so long, hard objects can tear your insides. Don't wear any jewelry on your hands, and cut your fingernails if you are going to put your finger in someone's anus. Most importantly, respect your body. Don't push the limits and go only as far as you feel comfortable.

How can I enjoy anal sex?

Tips for beginners

To prepare yourself for anal sex, the first thing to do is learn to relax. This may include a hot bath beforehand, an erotic massage or even just a good workout. Remember that the sphincter muscles around the anus will not allow things to pass through easily unless you relax and take it slow. Do not start with something the size of a dildo or penis. Your sphincter may be reluctant enough to start with your partner's finger. One partner should lubricate or place a lubricated condom over his or her finger. Take the finger and arouse the surface of the anus, perhaps making small circular motions as you go. Always pay attention to your partner to indicate whether or not he or she feels comfortable. Slowly attempt to push your finger slightly inside the anus. Do not force your hand- stop if your partner complains of discomfort. If it is difficult to enter the anus, you probably need more lubrication. The first time you try this, the receiver may feel a bit of pain. Anal sex is not for everyone, and if you feel uncomfortable stop and perhaps try again later. Think of this process as training for later anal encounters. Even a finger can provide intense stimulation when it is inserted in the anus.

Once you have tried penetration with a finger a number of times then you can move towards something that is a bit larger. First you have to decide on what type of anal stimulation that you enjoy. Do you enjoy the movement of a finger, and the feeling of entry and withdrawal? If this is the case then you may wish to proceed by being penetrated with your partner's penis or by using an anal toy. (Survey our information on the pleasures of anal toys **here.) For those who enjoy the feeling of penetration more than motion or vibration, try butt plugs which are designed specifically for this purpose. A butt plug sits inside the anus, and is not generally used for thrusting back and forth.

Positions to try

The best positions for anal sex depend largely on what stage you and your partner are at in your experiences. Rear entry or the ¡®doggie style¡¯ position is the one position most people associate with anal sex. However, rear entry allows a penis or anal toy to penetrate most deeply, and may not be the best choice for the beginner. A good starting position is the ¡®spoons¡¯ position, with each partner laying on his or her side, one behind the other. This prevents the penetrating partner from going too fast, and allows complete control over penetration. It also brings you closer to your partner, making it easier to judge his or her reactions to what you¡¯re doing.

Another position for anal sex is a variation of the missionary position. The receiving partner lays on his or her back while the penetrating partner approaches from on top. The penetrating partner lifts up the calves or shins of the receiver, exposing the anus. This can be an especially intimate position, with both partners facing each other. The ¡®top¡¯ partner can masturbate the other and is open to massage and cuddling as well.

Finally, rear entry offers another possibility for anal penetration. This position allows the penetration to be the deepest, and permits the receiver to better open the anus for entry. Rear entry doesn¡¯t offer the kind of intimacy or ease of communication that the other positions do, but for more advanced lovers, can offer the greatest amount of thrusting and penetration.

There are many more positions and techniques to try. Many people discover new and exciting positions through experimentation, and most people find the one that best suits them. Good communication is the key to such discovery, and a manual or video can help as well.

Anal Sex and Intercourse http://www.the-clitoris.com/

Illustration by Mia Jennings E-mail mia.j@attbi.com

While upwards of 50% of women are reported to have tried anal intercourse, only about 10% engage in it regularly. The reason being, many find it uncomfortable or painful. If the same percentage of women gave up on vaginal intercourse because it was uncomfortable or painful in the beginning, there would not be very many couples having vaginal intercourse either. Women continue to engage in vaginal intercourse because it is expected of them; they do not have to engage in anal intercourse because it is not a "normal" sexual activity. When done correctly, anal intercourse can be very enjoyable for both partners. It also appears to be gaining in popularity.

The 10% who do engage in anal intercourse regularly may do so for many reasons. They may find the intense sensations that some women find painful to be very pleasurable. They may actually find anal intercourse to be more enjoyable than vaginal intercourse. Some women do not like for their genitals or vagina to be touched. Others may not have access to birth control, or they do not trust it; anal intercourse allows them to experience the intimacy of intercourse without the risk of pregnancy. (Pregnancy is still possible, but is very unlikely as long as semen does not come in contact with the vulva.) Some find the naughtiness of it a major turn on. Women that like the idea of anal intercourse should not give up on it if they found it to be uncomfortable or painful in the past.

Anal sex has a lot of negative stigmatization attached to it. We are taught from an early age that our anus is very dirty and nasty. We acquire very negative feelings about bowel movements. Our parents were eager for us to be toilet trained so they would not have to face any more dirty diapers. As adults, we are usually very uncomfortable with the idea of touching our anus, or with someone else touching it. Most people fear coming in contact with their own or their partner's feces. While the rectum can be home to some nasty bugs, the normal bacteria present does not pose a risk to us as long as we are in good health and practice good hygiene. We can acquire AIDS and hepatitis from an infected partner, so safe sex is still important.

In spite of a lot of negative feelings toward our anus, many people find their anus gives them pleasant and enjoyable sensations when it is touched and caressed. While it sounds perverse, many people enjoy the sensation of having a bowel movement. How many sigh with relieve after a bowel movement? As children, many people, male and female, find touching their anus, and inserting things into it, very enjoyable. Children are very curious; exploring their anus is no different to them than exploring their nose. A girl is more likely to be consciously aware of her anus before she is her vagina since she uses it daily. The anus is rich with nerve endings; it is no wonder so many people, perhaps secretively, find anal stimulation enjoyable. Sometimes our parent's preoccupation with proper hygiene may result in us having an anal fixation.

While the anus is often times very sensitive to sexual stimulation, it is not designed for the insertion of anything. It is an exit. It does not self lubricate like the vagina, and it can contract violently causing painful muscle spasms when things are inserted. Hence the need for lots of lubrication and patience. The lubrication allows things to slip in without irritating the delicate anal and rectal tissues. Patience is required as often times the anal muscles must be slowly conditioned to not spasm when something is going in, instead of out. While a woman's anus may permit a finger or erect penis to enter quickly, it may just as quickly cause her to experience extreme pain when her body tries to expel the intruder, as it is designed to. Much like a person's gag reflex when attempting to insert things into their throat. So buy lots of K-Y Jelly and set aside lots of time if you want to experience pleasurable anal sex and intercourse.

It is not easy for a person to feel comfortable about touching his or her own, or their partner's, anus if they feel it is dirty. Women may be reluctant to allow their partner to touch their anus for this reason. People often have a strong phobia about coming contact with feces. So partners seeking to engage in anal sex and intercourse may need to first wash their anus, and possibly their rectum. If there is no penetration, or if rubber gloves and condoms are used, there is no need to wash the rectum. Jump into the shower together and wash and stimulate each other. Use plain soap and water to wash the anus. Gently insert a fingertip to wash the inside of the anus. Go slow and be gentle. Play with each other. If you are considering anal penetration, and are concerned about coming in contact with feces, very slowly and gently slip a lubricated finger into the anus and check for any remaining fecal matter. You can wear rubber or latex gloves while doing this if you choose to. If you find any, you can administer a small warm water enema. Be careful not to administer to much water as it can cause an upset stomach, and an accident later on could ruin the moment. A pint of water is all that is required when washing the rectum. Store bought enemas are too strong and irritating for sexual use; the bottle may be convenient to use if its contents are first replaced with plain water. When both partners feel clean and ready, go find a warm comfortable place to relax and explore.

The first steps involve anal massage. Usually when the anus if first touched it contracts, preventing entry. You need to get the anal muscles to relax prior to any insertion. Many people are uncomfortable with someone touching their anus and require time to learn to relax and enjoy it. First lubricate the anus with a water based lubricant or saliva. Gently massage the anal ring with light circular strokes. Push gently in on the anal ring, but do not penetrate the anus. With time you should feel the muscles relax and the anus open up. Often times it helps to perform the anal massage while caressing the vulva or performing cunnilingus. The anal massage can enhance cunnilingus and genital massage, and sexual arousal and pleasure may distract a woman from focusing on the anal stimulation. It is necessary for both partners to be relaxed and comfortable. If you are rushed or pressured it will not work. It may take several sessions or weeks before a woman is comfortable with any form of anal stimulation. Go slow.

Once a woman is accustomed to anal stimulation, and you are aware of when her anus is relaxed, and not tensed, you can start exploring anal penetration. The anus and rectum are very delicate so be sure to only insert smooth objects that do not have any sharp edges. Trim your fingernails. Wearing rubber or latex gloves will make your finger(s) easier to insert. Massage the anal ring and wait for it to relax and open up. Once it has, start pressing the tip of a single finger slightly into the anus. If you feel it tighten, stop, withdrawal your finger, and resume the anal massage for a couple of minutes. When her anus has relaxed again, slowly insert your fingertip again. Go slow and do not try to insert your entire finger in the beginning. In fact, only a small portion of your finger may enter before the anus tightens. If you go to fast, she may experience considerable discomfort, ruining the moment and possibly ending your exploration of anal sex. She can also learn to sense when her anus is tensed, and learn to relax it. Doing Kegel exercises while a partner's finger is inserted will help a woman learn how to do this. This will come in handy later when larger objects are inserted.

In the beginning you just want to insert your finger without moving it around. You want to condition her to the feeling of something being in her anus. She will likely enjoy the feeling of something being in her anus when she experiences orgasm. Once she is comfortable with being dilated, slowly start to move your finger in and out, and around. Gently stretch her anus by pushing outward on her anal ring. Once a woman has learned to enjoy the insertion of a single finger, start inserting a second. Always go slow and be sure she remains relaxed.

Once you are able to insert two fingers, you may want to acquire a couple "butt plugs" to help condition her to further dilation. Butt plugs are tapered dildos with a flared base. The taper allows you to slowly dilate the anus. The flared base prevents it from accidentally slipping all the way up into the rectum. You should never insert anything into the anus that does not have a flared base, as the rectum can draw objects in, and it can be difficult to get them out. Requiring an embarrassing trip to the doctor. Butt plugs come in many sizes, from the size of a slender finger, to the size of large fist. For the majority of people, a small and medium butt sized plug, 0.5 to 1.5 inches across, will do the job. For women who like the intense feeling of large objects being inserted, the sky is the limit. Silicone dildos are the best choice as they are smooth, flexible, and easy to clean. They are more expensive, but will serve you far better in the long run. It is also a good idea to put a condom on the butt plug, or dildo; it will make clean up easier, and protect non-silicone toys.

To use a butt plug, massage and slowly dilate her anus with your finger(s) first. Once you are able to insert one or two fingers comfortably, place the small butt plug at her anal opening, then with a single finger, slowly press it in a little ways. Then allow her anus to push the butt plug back out. Then press it back in again. Using only a single finger to press in on the plug to help prevent you from using too much force. Very slowly repeat this process, inserting the butt plug a little further each time, if her anus permits it. Try to caress her clitoris while doing this. With patience the butt plug should slip all the way in and stay in place, due to its slender base. The smaller butt plugs may not stay in as well as larger ones, because their base is almost as big around as the largest part of the tapered section. Once the plug is in, leave it alone and make love to her. Perform cunnilingus and have vaginal intercourse if she so desires. More importantly, bring her to orgasm. Allow her to enjoy the feeling of something being in her anus during orgasm. After a couple sessions you can start to work the butt plug in and out, stimulating her anus. If she is comfortable with the butt plug being inserted, allow it to remain so for fifteen to twenty minutes to help condition her anus to dilation, after you are done making love. Many women may enjoy the feeling of the butt plug when it is inserted. It is okay to leave it in for longer periods of time if she is comfortable doing so. Once you are done, slowly slip the butt plug out, and wash and dry it in preparation for the next time. Once she learns to enjoy the small butt plug, switch over to the medium sized one; you may need to use the small one in preparation for the medium one during the same session. Go slow and have fun. Do not be goal orientated.

In preparation for anal intercourse you will probably want to buy a dildo that is equal in size to your penis, if you are male; lesbians can choose any sized dildo for their harness. Using a dildo will provide you with more control over the amount of pressure applied to the anus during insertion, and greater control over your own movements. Get one with a flared base so it cannot slip all the way in. Again silicone dildos are more expensive but a better buy. Slowly stretch her anus with fingers and butt plugs first, then slowly and gently insert the dildo. At first, just let her get use to the dilation. It does not have a small base, so her anus will be fully dilated all the time. This may be very intense for her. Allow her time to adjust to the greater constant dilation. When she is relaxed, slowly move the dildo in and out. Go very slow at first. Allow her to guide your movements. As always, be sure to bring her to orgasm.

By the time you consider anal intercourse, she should be so accustomed to anal penetration that she has no apprehensions at all. There should be no fear of hurting her. She needs to welcome the idea of your penis entering her anus. Prepare her anus with your fingers and butt plugs first. Go slow. Schedule an entire evening or day for this special occasion. During the insertion of your penis, she must be in control of how far your penis enters her, and the movements of your bodies. So she needs to be on top, or on her hands and knees. She needs to lower herself down onto or push herself back onto your penis. She must open and receptive to your penis, versus you pushing your penis in. Once the head of your penis is in, she should stop and relax for a couple minutes, to get use to the dilation; and feel your body heat. When she feels comfortable, she can take in the remainder of your penis, once again she needs to stop and relax. When she is comfortable, she can either remain still, or start moving slowly back and forth or up and down. Go slow, the sensations can be very intense. It helps if while doing all of this if one of you massages her clitoris and/or breasts. Bring her to orgasm prior to penetration to help her relax, and be more receptive. Once you are in, bring her to another orgasm.

As always, practice makes perfect. If you want to make anal sex an enjoyable aspect of your sexual relationship, you need to spend time preparing for it, and engaging in it. If you are not having some form of anal sex once a week or more, it is harder to become accustomed to the sensations, and to prepare your anus for penetration. If you do not do it often, you need to schedule longer periods for when you do do it. You can figure you will need something like 15 minutes twice a week, or 2 hours once a month. With practice and repetition you will find you do not need to go through as much preparation prior to anal intercourse, though you may choose to because of the pleasure of it. Some experienced women find they only need to apply a little lubrication to their partner's penis and they are ready. This is much more likely if it is a regular part of your sexual relationship. If you reserve anal intercourse for special occasions, that is fine, as long as you realize you will need to spend more time preparing your body.

Women can stimulate their anus while masturbating. This is true for single and partnered women. Anal stimulation can enhance your masturbation sessions and orgasms. Some women may find anal stimulation is the key to experiencing orgasm during masturbation. You can insert your finger(s), a dildo, or a butt plug. Women who want to surprise their partner with anal sex can prepare their body beforehand. If a woman feels comfortable stimulating her anus when alone, she is likely to feel more comfortable when her partner does.

For lesbians and women who want to penetrate their partner, they will need a good quality harness and dildo. Cheap harnesses will never do the job. You need a harness that will hold your dildo in place while leaving your hands free. Your dildo should look and feel as if it is part of you, versus hanging on you. You should think of it as your penis, even if you are a totally feminine woman. You want the dildo's base to press and rub up against your clitoris. Buy a good quality silicone dildo to wear in your harness. Pick a size that is appropriate for you and your partner. If not sure what size to start out with, start small, about 1 to 1.25 inches across. Wear the harness and dildo several times before attempting intercourse, anal or vaginal. Get some lubricant and masturbate; get a feel for having a penis. Ask for and receive fellatio.

Many women will enjoy being the aggressor by strapping on a dildo. They can be the one in charge for a change, their partner the passive or receptive one. They may not get a lot of physical sexual pleasure from the act, though orgasm is certainly possible for her, she will enjoy the psychological role reversal. Men can learn to enjoy anal intercourse just as much as women. An anus is an anus, regardless of whether it is near a clitoris or penis. Women can introduce their partner to anal sex by stimulating his anus while performing fellatio. Once they are comfortable with anal stimulation, they can discuss bringing a dildo and harness into play. My personal opinion is, no man has the right to ask his partner for anal sex if he himself is not willing to be on the receiving end as well.