Some young women don't have a hymen at all. Others have stretched it or torn it using tampons or exercising. Some hymens tear naturally in childhood, some during puberty. Some hymens have one hole, others have several. Contrary to myth, a hymen is not an indicator of virginity at all. A virgin is someone who hasn't had sexual intercourse, period. Plenty of virgins have barely-noticeable hymens; non-virgins may even have intact, though stretched, hymens. Do not obsess.

Reference: All About the Hymen by Christy Brownlee Think you know all there is to know about female anatomy? Think again. Many men and women are stumped when it comes to knowing about a little piece of tissue called the hymen. Read on to find out the facts about this misunderstood membrane. Also called a "cherry," the hymen is a thin piece of skin that stretches across the opening to the vagina. There's usually an opening, or several openings in the hymen, that let menstrual blood flow out of the body. All girls are born with a hymen, but sometimes there is so little tissue that there may appear to be none. Little or lots, either way is perfectly normal and okay. The hymen can be stretched open through sexual intercourse, but it can also be stretched open during all sorts of other physical activities. Something as simple as playing sports, horseback riding, or riding a bicycle can stretch open the hymen. If a woman's hymen hasn't been stretched open before she has sexual intercourse, inserting a penis or a sex toy usually stretches it (some people call it "popping the cherry"). Some girls don't feel any pain when this happens, but others do. There might even be a little bit of bleeding if the hymen wasn't stretched open before intercourse. However, a woman should see a clinician if she's in a lot of pain or bleeding heavily after intercourse. Scientists aren't sure exactly what the hymen does for the body, but it's very important for some people as a sign of virginity. Some people believe that a woman whose hymen has been stretched open is no longer a virgin. But having a hymen and being a virgin are not the same thing. Don't forget, there are many ways that a woman can stretch her hymen ！ sexual intercourse is just one of them. No one, not even a clinician, would be able to tell if a woman is a virgin just by looking at her hymen. Now that you've learned heaps about the hymen, consider yourself one step closer to being an expert on female anatomy. A lot of knowledge about this little membrane can go a long, long way! Scared to Lose It? by Shannon Phelps Why is the thought of "losing it" so scary? Well, the first time for anything can be frightening. And it seems that the only time most people talk about losing their virginity is after the fact. Who Exactly Is a "Virgin"? Most people agree that a heterosexual person who has not had penile-vaginal intercourse is a virgin. Some people believe that an intact hymen ！ the thin tissue that stretches across at least part of the opening of the vagina in most girls at birth ！ is proof of a woman's virginity. But most people do not believe this. They know that each girl is born with a hymen but that they come in a variety of shapes and sizes ！ and some girls may appear to have no hymen at all. Many people also know that it is possible for a woman's hymen to become stretched through insertive masturbation and/or sex play with a partner, as well as during sports and other nonsexual activities, like using tampons, and they do not believe the condition of the hymen is an accurate definition of virginity. Losing It So, when it comes down to it, heterosexual people lose their virginity by having penile-vaginal intercourse for the first time. The fear a guy has about having sex for the first time may have to do with his inexperience and not knowing exactly what he should do. Women, however, may have fears about pain, bleeding, and bodily changes. This is important to know: the first time a woman has vaginal intercourse does not have to be uncomfortable or painful. Getting Ready Foreplay ！ sex play before penile-vaginal sex ！ can relax, arouse, and prepare a woman's body for sex. When a woman becomes aroused her vagina becomes longer and wider and lubricates itself. If partners take the time to allow this to happen, it is less likely that sex will be painful. Okay, so what if a woman's hymen has not been stretched before the first time she has vaginal sex? A woman can gently stretch her hymen open with her finger for several weeks before starting intercourse. Remember ！ some women bleed when their hymen is stretched, others don't, because some women have more hymenal tissue than others. Will Everyone Know? The answer to this question is ！ NO. A doctor or sex partner cannot tell if a woman's hymen has been stretched from sex play or from other nonsexual activities. No other physical changes happen, either, after a women has had vaginal sex for the first time. For instance, woman's hips and breasts will not grow because she has had intercourse ！ this is simply a result of going through puberty. Are You Ready? Remember ！ jumping into the sack before both partners are ready can cause grief. One person can care about another and still not be ready for sex. Anxiety about sex may be the body's way of saying "I'm not ready" or "I don't want to have sex with this person." If partners are as sure as they can be about their decision to "take the leap," then losing one's virginity isn't so overwhelming or scary. Partners considering intercourse for the first time need to decide how they will protect themselves and each other against unintended pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections. It is possible to get pregnant even the first time! Partners who are clear about what they want to do and don't want to do and who are comfortable with one another can enjoy the experience as a positive and pleasurable one. Dear Experts, I'm a virgin, and I'm thinking of losing it to my current boyfriend. Some people told me that it really hurts. Does it? If so, how come, and how much? Nan13 Dear Nan13, The first time a woman has vaginal intercourse does not have to be painful. Pain or discomfort during the first time a woman has vaginal sex have three common reasons: the inexperience or lack of attentiveness of her partner, the fact that she may be too young and her body isn't ready, and the stretching open of her hymen. Many women are afraid of the pain that they worry they will have when their hymen is stretched open during the first time they have vaginal intercourse with a man. The hymen is a thin membrane that stretches across a woman's vaginal opening. Menstrual fluids pass through an opening in the hymen during a woman's period. However, many women are born without a hymen, some have very little hymenal tissue, and the hymens of others are stretched open during sports or other activities, such as horseback and bicycle riding. All of these factors influence whether or not initial vaginal intercourse is painful or uncomfortable for a woman. Women who have hymenal tissue obstructing the opening to the vagina can prepare for their first intercourse by slowly stretching the hymen open during masturbation. In rare cases, women who have very thick hymens may need to seek medical assistance to remove the obstruction. Another common cause of pain or discomfort during vaginal intercourse ！ whether or not it's the first time ！ has to do with the amount of time the couple spends in foreplay (sexual activity before penile-vaginal sex). As a woman becomes sexually aroused, more blood flows into her genitals (this is also true for men). For a woman, this increased blood flow allows her vaginal canal to lengthen and widen. It also stimulates the production of vaginal lubrication. All these changes allow insertive sex to be more comfortable. Unfortunately, many women have vaginal intercourse before their bodies are fully aroused because their partners aren't paying attention, don't know what they're doing, or are in too much of a hurry. Men tend to become sexually aroused more quickly than women. So, often they insert the penis before a woman's body has had time to become fully aroused. If the guy is aware of the difference in arousal speed, then he may be more willing to take his time during foreplay. This lets the vagina become sufficiently lubricated and for the woman's body to become ready for vaginal intercourse. Unfortunately, when people are first having sex, they tend to be impatient, clumsy, and self-conscious ！ which is why people's first experience isn't always the greatest. The most important key is communication. Let your partner know what is comfortable and what is not comfortable. Encourage him to take his time. Let him know that women need a longer period of stimulation than men to become fully aroused. If partners take their time, are attentive to one another's pleasure, and they communicate, there can be very little discomfort and sex can be very pleasant ！ even the first time. For young women whose bodies are not ready, however, no amount of communication or foreplay will make vaginal intercourse comfortable or fun, which is another reason why so many girls wait until they're older. Hope this information is helpful. Take care, Teenwire Editors The Unexpected Pitfalls of Losing My Virginity By Shauna I didn't lose my virginity -- I know exactly where I left it. It was three days past my 18th birthday with my boyfriend, Curtis, who was also a virgin. We were in love -- in crazy, desperate, earthshaking love, and we wanted our first time to be special. Everything was perfect: He was a wonderful, caring, decent man. I knew I didn't have to worry about him running back to his buddies to brag about his "score." We were in my own bed, we used protection, we were "old enough," and we were relaxed and happy. I remember the romantic way I had envisioned it happening -- it would feel wonderful and I was supposed to feel wonderful afterwards -- mature and fulfilled. I now refer to that idea as "The Big Lie." I'm not saying it can't be that way, I'm just saying that soap operas and romance novels don't exactly paint an accurate picture of losing your virginity. Here's the truth: It's awkward. It's confusing. It can hurt. And for most women, having an orgasm is very unlikely. Worse yet, I was completely unprepared for how emotionally lost I would feel afterward. Instead of feeling like I'd crossed some sacred threshold into true womanhood, I felt like I'd just slammed the door on ever being a little girl again. I was 18 -- an adult by legal standards -- and yet there was still a little girl inside of me who wasn't quite ready to let go of who she was. I felt as if I'd given away a part of me that I could never get back. I think I assumed too much. I thought that since my partner loved me a great deal and we'd given the event so much forethought, I would be left with a rosy "afterglow" instead of the emptiness I felt. Simply because I was 18 -- older and more emotionally mature than many are when they lose their virginity -- I was strong enough and resilient enough to get through it. My partner and I already had a strong relationship, so I talked to him about the feelings I was having. We worked though them together and had a loving relationship for two more years before we finally went our separate ways. I don't think it would have been any easier for me if I'd waited longer, but I'm grateful that I waited as long as I did -- and that I chose the right boy. It helped me to deal with the unexpected feelings that came up. Although I think we'd all like sex to be spontaneous, I've learned that it requires a great deal of thought and planning -- for adults and teens alike. And that involves several things: choosing a partner, making sure you have and use protection against pregnancy and infection, keeping realistic expectations of the experience, and waiting until you know that you can handle the feelings that may come up afterward. In the end, I have no regrets about how or with whom it happened. But I always feel so sad for the girl or boy who has a first sexual experience too early and may be unable to cope with feelings that might have been much easier to handle later on.